Well I achieved the one and only goal I had for this weekend....not to leave my house at all! I think that was a good and a bad thing. Good thing because I really needed to do nothing! Bad thing because I had too much time with just me and my mind! :)
One thing that I discovered is that I am sick and tired of letting other people determine my mood. If someone has hurt me or upset me I shouldn't let that get me so down. But I do! I had a really really rough week last week. One of the many things that happened was that my step mother called just to "check in". When she does that it pisses me off more than anyone could even understand. Luckily I didn't answer the phone. I sat there and listened to my grandmother talk to her. I get mad because I feel like she's giving her too much information but I know she can't help it. Then at one point Gran says...no she's not married yet. SERIOUSLY they don't even know if I'm married! That is so sad to me! I would love for my dad to be a part of my life but that will NEVER happen until she is out of his. I know someone that has their dad around can't understand anyone being so hard on their own father. But I have "done" my life this far without him I don't need him now!
So on our trip down to Florida Allison started watching "Friday Night Lights". We really were only able to watch about 3 episodes of it. But that was enough for me, I was hooked! I had to come home and sign up for Netflix again. That is ALL I have done this weekend! It is a stupid show but it has really gotten me thinking about the what ifs of my life. Some of them pretty dumb but still what if....I never went to Centennial my sophomore year (Allison and I would have probably never become friends) and the really big one that I haven't been able to stop thinking about....what if we had never moved to Florida? Where would I be right now? Would I be married and have kids? (probably not) Then I think about if I had stayed in Florida. I can't even begin to think about that one because that makes my head hurt. I don't know if I'm thinking about all this because this show is about high school and I wonder how things would be if I had done it all different. I don't think I would change anything....I'm lying I do think I would change things. I've had way too many relationships that are one sided. Me being the one that is constantly trying to work on things. I lost one of my very best friends this way because I was sick of being on a one way street! It's not fair for one person to be doing all the work. And sad to say I'm always that person! Relationships aren't easy! I don't care if it's a boyfriend or girlfriend, a husband or wife, or a REALLY good friend. They're all hard work! And it's not fair for only one person to be working at it! I pray I don't lose anymore friends this way but I'm not doing it anymore.
BLAH! With all that being said I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow! At least that gives me a lot of distractions!
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