The Call

I just had the phone call that I wasn't looking forward to after receiving the text message yesterday from Alissa that her mom had just passed away.  That seriously was one of the hardest things that I've had to do in a really long time.  I just didn't have any words to say.  All she kept saying were there no words to explain this.  So all I could do was just sit there and cry with her.  And maybe that's what she needed, I have no idea.  I felt like I was useless to her because I didn't feel like I was doing a very good job comforting her.  I know that the next few days are going to be really really hard on the family so please keep them in your prayers.  Please don't take granted the time you have with the people you care about.  I know that's sometimes very easy to do because I know that I'm very guilty of it.  And don't forget to tell them you love them because they might not be there the next time you try to tell them!  I know Alissa would give anything to be able to tell her mother that she loves her just one more time!  So with that said.....I love all of you!!! :)

Another one of those days....

Well AGAIN today was going great just like yesterday and then I got some very traumatic news! I'll get to that later on. I just hope nothing good happens tomorrow....

Well kinda I had a bunch of blood work done this morning and that was NOT fun at all!  I had drink this (pure) sugary drink and then sit in the waiting room for 2 hours!  The first hour went by REALLY slow, mainly because the room finally stopped spinning after that first hour.  Then the second hour wasn't so bad because I brought my Twilight book to read.  

Then I had my final night of the Dale Carnegie class.  For some reason it was very emotional for me.  I know for those of you that know me very well you're thinking...what isn't emotional for you.  But yeah I pretty much bawled through my entire last speak.  It began with our instructor introducing us to do our speak.  I just don't do well when someone says something nice about me. It makes me want to cry....so I did!  I don't know why the compliment thing is so hard for me, but it really hard for me!  So it's over now and I have a diploma to prove it!  It's going to go straight up in my pod at work.  But I have to get a new frame for mine because the one mine came in has goop all over the front of it!

I was so excited!  I got in the car to call Allison and I was going through my messages that I got while I was in class.  Then I saw that I had a text message from one of my best friends, Alissa.  The text said...."today at 5:30pm my momma took her last breathe peacefully in her own bed".  Then I lost it again!  I've been friends with her since kindergarten.  Her mom and my mom would dress up for halloween and go treat or treating with us.  God it breaks my heart!  I think what kills me the most is that Alissa and I are both always too busy and don't make time for each other.  I hate that so bad!  I really am going to put a huge effort into working on that.  I hate that I'm going to have to go my best friends mom funeral.  I had to a go to another best friends mom's funeral a few years ago and it just sucks!  We're way to young for this to be happening to us.  His mom had a bad wreck so it was completely unexpected.  

Steve, my Carnegie instructor read the lyrics to a Switchfood song and I'm going to put them below.  I think that it can mean something to anyone no matter where you're at in your life!

Dare You To Move

welcome to the planet

welcome to existence

everyone's here

everyone's here

everybody's watching you now

everybody waits for you now

what happens next?

what happens next?

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

like today never happened

today never happened before

welcome to the fallout

welcome to resistance

the tension is here

the tension is here

between who you are and who you could be

between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

maybe redemption has stories to tell

maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

where can you run to escape from yourself

where you gonna go?

where you gonna go?

salvation is here

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

like today never happened

today never happened

today never happened

today never happened before

Memories

How is it that one stupid single thing can change your mood?  I was seriously having the best day...even the best week ever!  Then bam I turn the TV on and everything changed!  I was so excited for this week!  I'm graduating from Carnegie tomorrow night.  And I really am so proud of myself for taking this class, not that I had a huge choice in it, and for actually doing good in it.  I've won two awards as of right now....you never know I might win one more.  This thing was SO far out of my comfort zone it wasn't even funny.  But I did it and I am truly proud of myself.  I knew that my rebate from my new cell phone I got was going to be coming this week.  I know that my tax refund will be in my  bank account by Friday...yay $500!!!  THEN to top everything off I came home at lunch and my esthetician license had FINALLY come in along with my rebate check.  I have been fighting with the board of cosmetology for a good year over this stupid thing.  AND on Fridays check we get our profit sharing!!!  Can you see how this was, and dang it still is, going to be a great week?!?!?!  So I was so exciting about my esthetician license coming I went straight to the beauty supply store right after work!  Who doesn't get excited about getting new shampoo?  

I came home and fixed something to eat and sat down to watch TV before I started working on my very last speech for Carnegie.  Who knew that was going to throw a kink in things for the rest of the night.  I started watching a show that hit way to close to home.   I couldn't stop watching because I had to see how it ended...honestly because I want to know how this is going to end.  I was pissed, hurt, angry, sad, confused, mad, defensive, and just a huge wave of every other emotion that I can't think of right now.  I am fine...I really am but occasionally this comes back up again.  I want to know how to shove it back away!  I don't deal with things I just see how far I can push it, or them, away from me at that very moment.  Then it goes away and  things are fine again.  But I have been sick to my stomach all over again over this stupid thing.  It's amazing how a single memory can take over.  

I really have to stop thinking and go work on my speech.  Tomorrow is going to be an AWESOME day!!!  I'll be a Carnegie graduate in less than 24 hours!  YAY!!!!

HONEST SCRAP

So I JUST realized that the name of that last post was supposed to be the HONEST SCRAP! I did that whole post and couldn't understand what an honest strap was and why it would be called that. I just wanted everyone to know that I'm a little special....IF you didn't already know that! :)

Honest Strap

So I'm new to this whole blogging thing and I was honored with the honest strap today by Kristine.  Ok and you should really be proud that I was able to make Kristine's name a link!  I really hope it worked after calling myself out like that!  I have to let everyone, especially Jennifer because she's been giving me a hard time for not doing her tag.  The reason  I didn't do hers is because my computer crashed with all my pictures on it.  So I don't have many on this one.  That's why I didn't do hers!  

OK so the rules to this "Honest Strap" are....

1. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. (so I might have a hard time with that because Kristine tagged almost every one's blogs that I read.  I'll try and find a few.)

2. Show the 7 (or however many I can find) winners' names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Strap." 

3. Finally, list at least 10 things about yourself

So here are my 10 things......

1. I HATE CHEWING GUM!!! I know that isn't a surprise to most of you.  I just feel I should let everyone else be aware of this.  I have a serious problem with gum!  I cringe when I see someone pull out a piece of gum to put in their mouth.  When I hear someone popping their gum, or just hearing them chew it, makes my skin crawl.  I don't know when this happened because I haven't always been like this.  Maybe its happened with age.  I can remember when I was little and I was chewing gum my mom would always yell at me about popping it or to keep it in my mouth.  So, PLEASE, all I ask is don't chew gum around me.  It makes me seriously angry and know I don't want to be this way!

2. I try to make every single song that I love somehow relate to me.  It doesn't matter what it's about I can somehow make it about me!  Whether it's "Brown Eyed Girl" (obviously) or "There You Go" by Pink.  I can turn it into my situation.

3. I love to have concerts in my car!  The concerts can only happen when I'm driving at night!  I take those songs and sing my heart! I love driving to Allison's at night and doing this!  It's a bonus if it's nice outside and I can roll the windows down.

4.  As I have gotten older I have gotten more emotional.  A few of us were talking about this at Carnegie the other night.  I remember making so much fun of my mom when I was little when she would cry at the dumbest stuff.  I completely understand now!  Someone singing the National Anthem, a commercial, a birth scene in a movie, it doesn't matter....I cry! I was watching Grey's Anatomy tonight, well not really watching it but it was on.  I didn't even know what the story line was but I caught myself bawling at the end!  Now I know why I don't like watching that show anymore.  I cry at the end of every single episode that I watch!

5. I have a fear of not getting married and having children.  I'm perfectly content where I am but it's still an underlying fear.  I want children more than anything in this world!  I have watched 3 of my best friends give birth to 4 children (total) and I want to experience that!  Don't get me wrong it is SO nice to spoil the crap out of them and then send them home!  But I want to have the feeling of MY baby growing inside of me and having the uncontrollable excitement of meeting that baby for the first time.  Geez, see I'm tearing up now!  Moving on....

6. Children that are neglected makes me very upset!  I wanted to be a social worker for the longest time.  It might still be in the back of my head a little bit but then I think about going back to school and it goes away really fast.  I would save ever child out there if I could!  I would be a foster parent right now if my roomies (my grandparents) would let me.  :)  I should probably wait until I have my own place! Everyone says that they couldn't do it because it would be too hard to let them go.  But you have to think about how you're helping them at that very moment and that you're taking them out of a bad situation.  I would do it in a heartbeat!

7. I have a new addiction to tetris!  Yup, you're probably thinking that's really a dumb "honest" thing to tell you.  But it is becoming a problem!  If I'm not playing it, I'm playing it in my head!  I didn't go to bed last night until 1am because I couldn't stop playing.  I completely blame this new addiction on Allison.  She got her husband Michael a wii for Christmas and they bought tetris for it.  Now you have to understand I have never liked tetris at all!  I started playing  it at her house and I can't stop now!  It is a problem!

8.  I have really really bad road rage!  I do think this one has gotten a little bit better but it's for sure still there!  I yell at just about every car that does something stupid!  

9. I LOVE NAPS!  That's all I can really say about that! I can't sleep at all at night but let me lay down anytime during the day and I'm out!  If I could take a nap everyday I think I would be a much happier person....not that I'm not happy I'm just saying!

10. I over analyze EVERYTHING!  Whether it's how someone texts me back or doesn't text me back.  I working at that one at this very minute!  And it was a sweet text!  I take it back if you're reading this....nah I don't...I really do miss you!!!!  I can make it the absolute worst situation there could be!  

Geez I thought that was going to be harder than it was!  Now it's your turn.......

The Mind!

Whoever said that the mind is a powerful thing has obviously never met mine! My mind is lethal! Have you ever had a dream that felt so real that you woke up mad at someone? I had a really rough night last night. To start with I had one of the worst migraines that I've had in a long time yesterday. So that meant that I had to drug myself up and I sleep all day. Since I slept all day I knew I would have a problem sleeping last night. That's always a really bad thing for me because my mind goes about 90 miles a minute. I have the ablity to get mad at someone just by playing something over and over in my head. I hate that I do that!
So last night I had the worst dreams! I dreamed I was in Florida and it was HORRIBLE! There were certain people that were so mean to me. I woke up this morning with my feelings hurt so bad and that's all I've been able to think about so far today. I know it was just a dream but it was SO real. Hopefully I'll get over this as the day goes on! :)

What Makes You Successful?

Well I know its been a few days since I blogged but I've been crazy busy!  Monday was pilate's, Tuesday was Carnegie, and then tonight some girlfriends and I went to Chili's for dinner then to see Bride Wars.  It was a super cute movie in case you're wondering!  Anyways on to what I really wanted to talk about....

Like I said a few posts ago (it had to only be a few because I think I've only blogged twice) we have a company wide devotion every Wednesday.  Today's speaker was awesome!  His name was Michael Easley and he's the new teaching pastor at Fellowship Bible.  Before coming to Fellowship he was the president of Moody Bible Institute in Chicago.  So he knows his stuff!  One of the things that stuck out to me was something he said at the very beginning of his talk.  It wasn't even the main point of what his talk was about.  But I guess it doesn't matter what you take away from a sermon it's just important that you take something away!  He asked the question "what makes someone successful"?  Is it getting married, having kids, making a lot of money, having the perfect car, and so on and so on.  And my first gut answer was getting married and having kids!  I thought about that question through the whole sermon.  I asked myself...do you not think you're successful right now?  You know I really do think I'm successful right now.  I have SO many things to be thankful for.  And just because I get married and have kids doesn't make me successful, now it may make the "future" husband be considered successful if he can put up with me.  I have the coolest, one of the most rewarding, awesomest :) job anyone could ever ask for!  I help people find hope in their lives every single day!  And if that's all I was here for then that's enough for me!

Then after seeing Bride Wars tonight made me realize that I've very blessed in another part of my life as well.  Short version of what the movie is about....best friends for 20 years both get engaged... things get messed up and they are both booked at the same day at the venue of where they have dreamed of having their weddings at for 20 years....one needs to move their date neither one wants to....big fight they don't talk.....blah blah blah!

At the end they obviously make up and things are picture perfect.  But Murphy Brown (I can never remember her real name) is doing like a talk over thing and said something that went back to this morning for me.  She said "you know everyone finds a soul mate. It may be in your spouse or it could be the person that has stood by you through everything and knows you better than you know yourself and still loves you".  I was like she's completely right!  

Allison and I have been best friends for 13 years now.  And holy cow have we been through some things!  High school, prom, first cars, wrecks :), youth trips, graduating and thinking "what the crap are we going to do with our lives", moving 12 hours away from home together, living in a one bedroom apartment together, her marrying the guy of her dreams, them moving back to TN without me, her flying back to FL to help me make a super hard emotional 12 hour drive moving back home to TN, her birthing the 2 most beautiful little nephews that I'll ever have.  There was also a lot of heartache thrown in there for me!  she was ALWAYS there for me through one of the hardest times in my life.  Well we were there for each other in that situation.  She doesn't always have the answers for me but she's ALWAYS there if I just need to vent about something.  So in the end I think that I am a much successful person because of my BFF Allison in my life!  And even if I haven't found my "husband" soul mate she will forever and always be my "BFF" soul mate!  Thanks for loving me even on those days that I'm unlovable....I know there have only been a slight few of those days! ;)

Things I've Learned in Life.....

A friend from work sent me the cutest email today.  It was about reminding us of appreciating what God has given us.  I loved all of them but there was one that stuck out to me the most.  I've learned....that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.  I thought about that for a really long time.  If God had given me half the dumb things who knows where I would be right now.  I for sure would have dated some serious horrible guys, probably married one of the horrible guys, a few kids, and the list goes on.  Even thinking back a few years ago I would never have thought that I would be as content with my life that I am now.  God has brought me so far and I couldn't be more thankful.  I have an incredible job, awesome friends, and a great family, who could ask for more?  A few of my other favorites from the email....

I've learned...that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day

I've learned....that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile

I've learned....that to ignore the facts doesn't change the facts

Those are just a few but I really loved all of them.  

My First Post

Hey Guys, or just Allison because I know she'll read this.  I'm not really sure about anyone else.  I have started probably 2-3 different blogs in my life.  The reason is because I want to be a blogger SO bad but I have a problem thinking of things to blog about.  But since this is a brand new year I have decided to make "blogging" a New Year's resolution.  I have a lot of "New Year's resolutions" that I'll eventually get to on here!

One of the biggest goals that I am determined to accomplish this year is "finishing" a half marathon.  I put finishing in quotes because I don't really care if I have to crawl across the finish line, I'll finish it!  I am very blessed to work for a company that is constantly encouraging everyone to better themselves in ever area of their life.  Another thing that I'm really looking forward to is in February they always start a "Lampo Losers" competition.  It's a 12 week competition of weight loss and it's AWESOME!  Last year I lost about 30 pounds and sad to say that I gained about 10 pounds back.  But hey the good news is that I didn't gain all of it back!
I've been waiting for Dave to do his annual goal setting devotion.  I have been looking forward to this devotion for months now.  Oh in case you don't know we do a company wide devotion every single Wednesday together.  We have had so many diverse speakers come in and its awesome.  So Dave usually does a goal setting devotion for us the first week in January.  BUT it's looking like he's not going to do it.  So I'm going to have to motivate myself to get my goals in writing.  Here are a few that I'm for sure about.....

2009 Goals
~train and finish a half marathon

~workout on a regular basis and start to enjoy it (Chad just told me that "it's not the workout itself that you learn to love....it's the satisfaction you feel afterwards".  I'm going to have to constantly remind myself of that one!)

~do the Lampo Losers and kick some serious butt in it!

~get on a schedule with going to bed....I want to be able to stop taking meds to have to go to sleep.  I hate taking meds for it but if I didn't I seriously would stay up ALL night long.  And P.S. nobody likes me when I don't sleep.

~get on a schedule of cleaning my room every single Saturday.  I have a problem of not doing it for so long and then it's horrible!  So I figure if I do it every week it won't get out of control.

~start taking the stairs at work

~get involved in a small group (that almost happened this past October but they asked me at work to take Carnegie so I did that.  Carnegie is over in 3 weeks (YAY) so I want to try and get in the one I couldn't do.

~finishing Carnegie!  I do only have 3 more weeks but this has been a HUGE accomplishment for me.  I had no desire what so ever to do this class but I am thankful a million times over that I did it.  The one thing that I stressed myself out the most was that they give out awards every single week.  I was so scared that I wouldn't win one and I would have been so embarrassed. But good news I won my SECOND award last night!!!!

~PAY MY CAR OFF!!!  Then I will be completely DEBT FREE!  When that happens I can start saving to get my own place.  I don't want to move out of my grandparents until I am debt free and have a good amount of savings.  I'm very lucky that I'm able to live at home!  

~sponsor a child from another country (accomplished I just sent the info in on Monday)
~travel more- I do need someone to travel with...who wants to go with me???
~read more....well actually finish the books I start!  I have gotten in a really bad habit of this!


I know that there will be more added to this list in the next couple of days.  But at least this is a good start!  I'll keep praying that Dave will do the goals talk!!!  I am going to try my best with updating this.  If I'm slacking call me out!  I hope this didn't bore you guys to much!